Marathon Life

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

A Blog from the Past: Feb, 27, 2000: my very first blog entry

I was going to wait until Feb, 27, 2011 to post this "Blog from the Past", but on the drive home today, I really wanted to revisit this entry. It was the first ever "Thoughts" entry I had written. I called the portion of my overall website "Thoughts" where I divulged quite a bit of personal confessions. Usually they revolved around unsuccessful dating situations and the struggles of single life in my 20s. At the time I was 24 and very, very lonely. I had gone to a now-closed gay club in Cambridge, Mass called Manray on a Saturday night. I was surrounded by people yet I felt completely alone.


February 27, 2000 -  Last night I thought about posting a journal that would document my thoughts every now and then.  I have my own written diary, but I thought adding this online would be another creative outlet for me.

For the first time in a while I decided to go to a dance club/bar.  I really despise those places, but a couple of old friends were going and I really wanted to see them because it had been a while.  It was great to see them again, but at the same time I couldn't believe I was there.  I hadn't been to a club in over 2 years.  I was so out of the loop.  Needless to say, I had an awful time.  I stayed a little over an hour and then left abruptly.  I just couldn't handle it anymore.

I don't enjoy dancing in a mob of squished together people, so I could only dance with my friends for 15 minutes.  I then went to sit in the lounge area.  At that point an overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me.  I asked myself what the hell I was doing there.  I was in a room full of people and I felt like I was the only one there.  I hadn't felt this sad in about 6 months.  This was supposed to be a happy time for me.  I am starting my new job Monday, and for once in my life I am finally getting things together.  I guess the thing that really bothered me was seeing so many people on dates.  It made me realize that I am alone, and have been alone for a while.  I knew that being at this club was not the solution to my problem.  It was just a blatant reminder of my ever-present state of loneliness.

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posted by Anthony at 11:28 PM


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