A Blog from the Past: Feb, 27, 2000: my very first blog entry
February 27, 2000 - Last night I thought about posting a journal that would document my thoughts every now and then. I have my own written diary, but I thought adding this online would be another creative outlet for me.
For the first time in a while I decided to go to a dance club/bar. I really despise those places, but a couple of old friends were going and I really wanted to see them because it had been a while. It was great to see them again, but at the same time I couldn't believe I was there. I hadn't been to a club in over 2 years. I was so out of the loop. Needless to say, I had an awful time. I stayed a little over an hour and then left abruptly. I just couldn't handle it anymore.
I don't enjoy dancing in a mob of squished together people, so I could only dance with my friends for 15 minutes. I then went to sit in the lounge area. At that point an overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me. I asked myself what the hell I was doing there. I was in a room full of people and I felt like I was the only one there. I hadn't felt this sad in about 6 months. This was supposed to be a happy time for me. I am starting my new job Monday, and for once in my life I am finally getting things together. I guess the thing that really bothered me was seeing so many people on dates. It made me realize that I am alone, and have been alone for a while. I knew that being at this club was not the solution to my problem. It was just a blatant reminder of my ever-present state of loneliness.