"Circles and circles and circles again"
Since that time I have grown in many ways. I have been through relationships, heartbreaks and other struggles both physical and mental. So when I'm unhappy with a situation, I simply change it. Change has been such a constant in my life. In the last 11 years I've lived in 8 different apartments and 3 cities. I've also had 8 full-time jobs during that time. And yet, I feel I need yet another change coming on. It's an itch that I keep on scratching. It's very unsettling. I just want to have more stability in my life, yet it's so elusive.
I've had tremendous difficulty adjusting to new situations and growing older in general. I never let any situation last long enough to get used to it. Then I'm off to the next, new situation. After time, I get bored or frustrated or anxious. Then the cycle happens over and over again. This rings true with all of the jobs I've ever had. I simply have never stuck around long enough to truly settle in. Then I leave. Over and over again, I leave. I start something new, then I leave. Again. "Circles and circles and circles again." I never thought a line from a Tori Amos song was going to be so appropriate for my life.
These circles must have a lot to do with not following my true passion in life. Not many people are lucky enough to have a job that they are truly passionate about. I see people who are doing exactly what they want to do and become envious. Like my friend Nathan, who went to culinary school to become a pastry chef. He's baking cookies along side a well-known cookbook author. It's great. It's absolutely great. I'm so happy for him, yet sad for myself. I still can't find my passion. I am passionate about running and tennis. I am passionate about natural foods, baked goods and chocolate. Yet I can't seem to create a career around it.
Here's a video of the Tori song "Cloud on my Tongue". The line comes at around the 3:00 mark when she talks about the circles.