Marathon Life

Friday, March 26, 2010

Being Anthony and the Importance of No Regrets

Much of my inspiration seems to come from pop culture and lately I've been obsessed with a show I stumbled upon on called Being Erica. It's a Canadian show (airs on SoapNet in the US) in its second season where the protagonist Erica feels unsatisfied with her life since she's not where she wants to be in her career or love life. At 32 she feels like a failure and was fired from a customer service job the same day a guy stood her up for a date since he wanted to go to the gym. One day while walking the streets of Toronto she runs into a therapist named Dr. Tom. He's not your ordinary therapist. After having her write down all of her regrets in life he is able to transport her back in time to "re-live" these situations in hope that she can manage them differently. This is where I get envious of this fictional character in this fictional show. I realize this is not possible, but I strongly relate to Erica's struggles.

I would give anything go to back in time and make different decisions. Regrets plague me daily as I'm always obsessing about the "what ifs" in life. I constantly think about major crossroads that have occurred during my life, how they played out and how they would have turned out differently if I had made a different decision. So often, especially in the last year I have wanted to go back in time to fix things. That's my struggle. I struggle living in today.

I am trying to sort of repair the decision I made last year to take the job in Irvine by taking steps to get my old life back in San Diego. I'm trying to have no regrets and get what I want out of life. One of those involves my living situation. The offer I put on the short sale condo in San Diego is still in process. It's in the hands of the bank so I just have to wait now. Once I get approved to purchase, I have a 30-45 day window to close. My lease is up here May 31, so I really hope things happen soon for the condo. I can't wait to have my own place again in San Diego. I have contemplated commuting up to my job in Irvine. I know it would be at least a 1 hour 40 min drive each day if I leave at 6:30am. I have set up a place to live Mon-Wed nights in Irvine for $300 a month. The woman is flexible and she knows I am trying to buy this condo. At least I have a back up plan. Hopefully I won't need to even rent from her, assuming I get a new job in San Diego soon.

The immediate goals are to close on the condo and then get a new job. I have some possibilities that could work out for me. There is a start up olive oil and spice company and I already met with the owner. It's only him right now. So this would be a huge change from what I'm used to. I think it's what I want since there would be a lot of room to grow and learn. I could build a company from the ground up, literally.  I can't work for him until my condo is closed. I wouldn't be able to get approved on a loan if I was working for him. I told him that once I had the condo I would be motivated to work for him. Right now, I can do it. Although I have thought about it. I just don't want to put my condo in jeopardy.
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posted by Anthony at 12:43 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Midlife Crisis at 34?

I decided to make my blog closed to the general public for a variety of reasons. First, I have held back venting about my career for the most part. In this day and age of Google, I can't trust that anything I write here won't get back to my employer. I want the freedom to write FREELY. So for now on you'll have to login with a Google account to read what I write. Trust me, it will be worth it since I am going to write much more confessionally. Those who used to read my Geocities Thoughts page will recall the days of the early 2000s when I wrote extremely openly. It was almost too openly so I made it private in 2003, again from a fear of my employers or potential employers. So here goes! Welcome to the 2010s and the new, fresh, confessional Anthony is back.

I often wonder how the term "midlife crisis" came to being. The definition on Wikipedia states, "For the approximately 10% of middle aged adults who go through an age-related midlife crisis, the condition is most common ranging from the ages of 30-60 (a large study in the 1990s[5] found that the average age at onset of a self-described midlife crisis was 46). Midlife crises last about 3–10 years in men and 2–5 years in women."

At 34, I think I am going through a midlife crisis. Some would say this is an "early onset" of the condition. When I think of a midlife crisis, I often picture a 45-year-old guy driving down the street in a red convertible sports car with a 20-something woman in the passenger seat.

I'm just questioning everything that I am doing now. I'm severely questioning my career and where it's headed. I don't want to be stuck in a marketing specialist position for a technology company forever. I'd rather work in marketing for something I have passion for like natural and organic foods, baked goods, tennis, running, fitness & health, art, photography, culture, LGBT rights, public radio, etc. The problem is most of these types of jobs are very difficult to find and when I do see an opening for something related to it, they want experience within that industry. My marketing experience within software and other technology companies puts me into a box. I can't get out of this box no matter how hard I try. I guess it's all about positioning myself. Unfortunately in this job market it's extremely difficult to make a transition to a new industry. There are so many people with experience in that specific industry that all of the people like me, who have the passion and the skills, are shut out.

I regret taking this job in OC. I should have waited and been more patient last March when I lost my job in San Diego. I had a great severance package. I had unemployment as well. I had very cheap rent and I was the apt manager so I had even less expenses. I could have made it work. But what did I do? I played it safe, like I do so often. I took the only job offer I got after 6 weeks of job searching. March of 2009 was probably the worst part of the The Great Recession. I didn't trust that I would get any other offers. Of course a few months after moving up to OC I got several calls for contract positions in San Diego. I am sure some of those would have transformed into full-time positions. I never even got a chance to pursue them. I know that if I had stayed in San Diego I would have made it work somehow.

So that brings me to my current strategy. I decided to purchse a short sale condo in San Diego. I put an offer in and now I have to wait for the bank to approve my offer. It make take a few more months. It's been about 3 weeks since the offer was submitted. My goal is to be living in this condo by June. I already told my work that I would be purchasing the condo. I asked to be a remote employee for 3 days a week and drive into the office 2 days. My boss wouldn't allow it. He will let me work remote on Fridays. So I'll have to rent a room in OC Mon-Thurs AM. I already found a woman who has a room in Irvine. I'll have to pay additional rent to her and also pay my mortgage. Hopefully I won't have to do this very long. We'll see. I have an opportunity I am pursuing within the natural foods market. It's a big risk but it could pay off immensely.


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posted by Anthony at 12:02 AM 0 comments

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